well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
