i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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