hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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