Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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