I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
