I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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