So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we're so committed to being not committed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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