I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
