maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
