Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
