So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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