it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
