OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
