ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
