Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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