you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I enjoy the company of your penis
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
