The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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