I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
