I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
