so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
