porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
