I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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