I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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