Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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