you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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