And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
