Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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