the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
