it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
