I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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