I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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