just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
