Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
