He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
