One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
