dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
