Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
