It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
