Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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