Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
