If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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