Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i believe in u and ur pee
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