I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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