Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so let's talk penis.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
