Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
