I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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