Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
