I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
