I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
