Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
