remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
