i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
