Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
