Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My vagina is officially offended.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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