Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
