So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
