It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
