i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
