Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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