I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
