You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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