I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's always time for handjobs
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
