grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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